The Treasure

 

Centering Prayer Group 8/26/25 - 

Lectio Divina with Gospel of Thomas Login 109

Jeshua says,

The divine realm is like a man who owned

a field with treasure hidden away in it.

Unaware of it he died, leaving it to his son,

who also knew nothing about it.

After taking possession of the land the son

practically gave it away for nothing.

But the one who bought it began plowing

and discovered the treasure,

and immediately started lending 

money at interest to whomever he pleased.

The Treasure 

The father dies without knowing the treasure within.  It is hidden by social training of disempowerment and inherent sinfulness making it impossible to imagine, allow or seek any kind of interior treasure, let alone the Divine...

What is the treasure?  

Embracing, allowing, embodying for our divinity of pure love, joy, peace, inspiration, abundance, compassion, patience and acceptance with limitless possibilities to create & recreate lives of those characteristics.  It is our birthright by EXISTING.  

Practicing embracing the Divine within, knowing and feeling cherished, valued, accepted, connected to; at one with the Divine. 

To evolve into our Authentic Selves, to discover the treasure while living our lives in human form amidst L.I.F.E. allows humanity to expand, to evolve, to thrive!   

     Enlightenment -  To live from the light within

BURRIED TREASURE 

Unawareness creates suffering.  Suffering as a part of life.

The message and practices of society in general and the Gospel specifically, create a legacy of emotional trauma from the confounding & gaslighting combination of Love in words and actions combined with suffering/pain/neglect that is blamed on humanity's "failings".  

Within that programming, a treasure within is simply too difficult to contemplate and would also require "working" the field of sinfulness, our inner darkness.  Hello?  Who is going to go there unless we essentially HAVE to... Welcome to the Dark Night of the Soul.  Finding the spiritual path often occurs when we hit rock bottom with no where else to turn... On our knees on the bathroom floor - as in Eat, Love, Pray - or when the Buddha is overwhelmed by the suffering in the world he had been shielded from.

Two movies, The Disney movie Moana & Dead Man Walking, provide exquisite visuals of the power of "losing" sight of our Treasure within and the belief systems that end up defining us vs. our Truth when someone believes in our inner Light despite our outer pain.  When someone believes in who we really are, even if we don't, it is impossible to evade the ability of that Truth to fill our souls.  

    MOANA:

 Moana Scene-"Show Her To Me"   Know Who You Are with Hawaiian lyrics

I have crossed the horizon to find you.
I know your name.
They have stolen the heart from inside you.
But this does not define you.
This is not who you are.
You know who you are.

     DEAD MAN WALKING     Son of God - 1:12 min. in

"You are a Son of God, Matthew Poncelet."

LIVING WITH OUR TREASURE

I believe that every being is conceived as Source in human form.  We are shaped in utero and in our culture throughout life.  Our "personalities" are a reflection of the lifelong indoctrination we absorbed.  It is not possible to lose the divinity within but it it possible to never know it or choose not to grow into alignment with it.  

It may take our lifetime to let go of the limiting, self-incriminating beliefs, culture, family ethos that keep us feeling separate, alone, incapable, powerless, angry, scared, depressed, fearful etc.  It requires that we practice new ways of thinking and regularly rigorously setting intentions daily to shift our mindset, our focus from "what is or has been" to what we want to see, be, feel, experience.  It is a muscle that requires regular workouts for strengthening and flexibility.  Along the way we will bump into the old mindset, blocks, resistance.  It is all normal and not to be concerned about.  One day at a time, practice, practice, practice!

Reset, practice, gain ground, resistance, blocks, fear...

Reset, practice, gain alignment, fear, resistance...

Reset, practice, JOY!  ABUNDANCE!, FREEDOM!, CRASH & BURN!  Reset, practice, remember, practice, maintain focus, lose focus

Reset, practice, UPSET!  etc. 

When we are in alignment with our internal Truth, Divinity, Oneness with All that Is, life flows: abundance, peace, joy, ease, synchronicities flow...   We manifest our desires and have increasingly shorter periods out of alignment.

Yes, we suffer and there is suffering in the world.  But we are born as divine beings capable of shifting our own experience and that of others by doing the work of resetting our focus, updating our software, cleaning our emotional, mental and spiritual energies.  We are not broken, lost or sinners.  We landed in a show already in progress and everyone has forgotten their roles and lines and "the dog ate our homework" etc.

 

Our lives are not meant to be ruled or grown through suffering.  When we allow ourselves to let go of that mentality, when we "heal" that wound of inherent sinfulness and suffering for ourselves, we create healing for those in our vibrational circles that also expands outward to create healing for humanity.  It is the greatest gift of service and activism we can offer.

Reflections

                                                

I have come to believe that what shows up in our lives is a reflection of the quality of our relationship to ourselves as spiritual beings in human form.  That as such, our "work", is to allow for and learn from our humanity, with all it's complications, pain, limiting beliefs, insecurities etc. in order to know ourselves as and be a reflection of our True loving, benevolent, compassionate, joyful and limitless nature.  When our relationship with ourselves is aligned with our True nature as a spiritual being, we are guided by our emotions, inspirations, hopes and dreams toward lives of love, joy, freedom, meaning and  authenticity.  The miracle is that our humanity is the path to transformation.  

What was showing up in my life was not working for me or my loved ones.  It was not a reflection of my beliefs.  I was desperately looking outside of myself to feel valuable, worthy and connected but instead, I was mostly feeling depression, anger, resentment and separation.  I had tried so hard to be what others wanted, valued and needed - to take care of others - in my family, my marriage & even in my profession.  I finally realized that what was showing up for me was a reflection of how disconnected I was from myself in any context!

Reflecting others was my identity script, it was how I controlled my sense of connection and security.  As my daughters started leaving the nest, covid hit and George Floyd was murdered in front of the world, I began to implode at warp speed.  Deep emotional pain became my state of being and it was getting harder and harder to keep hanging on.  I became sick of hearing myself blaming others and the world for my miserable state.  I was no longer able to find my way internally or externally. 

I knew I needed radical and honest self examination.  Given the golden light from the approaching sunset of my life, this work felt overwhelming, "too little, too late", scary and even pointless. I was so bone tired of living and terrified of who and what I would find inside.  I had NO idea what I wanted, needed, valued and felt so damaged, small, hopeless.  I just wanted to stop the pain.  I wanted out, to be done.

I am hard wired for personal growth and spiritual connection, neither can be denied, so, I begrudgingly opted to trudge into my inner chaos. I gradually learned that my work was to stop focusing on what was wrong in my life and start focusing on the ways in which I was not in sync with myself - as a human and a spiritual being. 

Over the next several years, I learned that despite my seemingly confident and opinionated persona, I was far more insecure, judgmental and critical of myself and others than I could have imagined. I got serious about figuring out what my wants, needs, values, hopes and dreams were and what supported my authenticity.  I had to constantly return my focus to my relationship with myself and what I wanted out of life - the only thing any of us truly has any control over.  I may as well have been climbing Mt. Everest.  Fortunately, I had cherished friends, a therapist, life coaches, ancient & innovative treatments as my sherpas.  It's been brutal, but worth it.  I am living with more hope authenticity, life force, self-acceptance, peace and fulfillment.  I have a ways to go to get firmly grounded and connected within but for now, my life is increasingly reflecting 

my improved relationship with myself through easier, more accepting and nurturing relationships, greater compassion, exciting opportunities, inspiration by and appreciation for living.  

We are each on our own unique climbs.  Some much more difficult than others.  I do not mean to qualify anyone's journey.  This is mine.  May you find and know hope and peace on your way.

Surfers

Sitting at the beach, late on a Saturday afternoon,  the water is filled, not with swimmers, but with surfers.  Few are surfing.  Most are sitting on ther boards waiting for the ocean to deliver the ride they hunger for, the thrill, the balm.  Maybe they are tired of settling for less so they can wait for "the right one".  Maybe they are new at surfing and so they are hesitant. Also waiting for "the right one"  In a sea of potential, most of the time, they wait, watch and hope.

Important fact...they are on the jersey shore.  We are not talking major waves here.... There is one kid who doesn't wait.  He takes wave after wave, some short runs, many long runs along the wave instead of catching & riding the top of the wave to the shore.This kid is gangly with really long arms and hunched over form but he is getting lots of ride time!  He is getting lots of experience,  learning what works, what doesn't.  There's ni right or wrong way, to learn to surf or to live your life, but by jumping in more often than not you get more rides & learn more tha waiting for life to show up.

 It is an apt analogy for life, is it not?

Mindfulness Based Stress Relief Body Scan

 

MBSR YOGA & BODY SCAN EMBODIMENT

Something happened today.  Well, actually last night in the mindful yoga.  I was impatient for it to be over - going through the motions but not present even while present.           

What a metaphor for life.  Showing up but not bringing oneself to awareness or a place of allowing.  

Allowing stillness, allowing the moment, allowing oneself to be present, to be worthy of presence.  

Which again, makes sense if impatient. It's as if one is at a party of people judged to be better, more "real", worthy, entitled - and you just want to leave.   

I remember Debra remarking about the body scan being an opportunity to spend time with your body. This spoke to me, this I needed, this I wanted.  I sensed or felt non-verbally that this was a gateway a bridge to where I needed to go.  So, I did the yoga and began to notice how good my deep breaths felt, how satisfying, full, complete, good they felt during this singular practice and I liked it, did not shut it down, allowed it and wanted more of the same.  So I did the body scan this morning - looked forward to it.

In the body scan, I was definitely more present, did not fall asleep.  I "heard" much more of the guidance along each body part.  I practiced inhaling wellbeing, joy, worthiness and health to each cell then exhaling the energy down through the body parts as we finished each group (leg, arm, torso etc.).  As I exhaled, my leg filled with warmth...and I could do it every time...  It was so lovely, so easy.  The feeling of wellbeing, even joy, happiness, upliftment, presence lingered as she guided us to the next area and so it went.  

I now am aware of my connection, that I am rooted in this way of being.  I feel a slower sense of time and allowing, I feel wellbeing, joy - even.  I realize in this moment that what I am feeling is worthy.  Yes, I feel worthy, beloved, known, seen, connected to where/what I come from, that this is my  true place of being, this is what connection, wholeness, home.  

I am emotional receiving such a gift.  I feel I could cry.  It is a cry of recognizing it for what it is and the relief, the joy.  It is a cry of grief for all the years of feeling homeless, lost, desperately looking for home outside of myself as I had been taught it was, years of screaming silently - IT HAS TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE... This time, however, I know that even as I move in and out of allowing such connection and worthiness, I found it, and I am changed.  I am free to allow this for myself as I can choose to.  I know I will now begin to choose it more and more.  I know that I don't have to shrink it or shut it off.  Instead, I can look at what is going on that prompted shrinking and not dwell on the familiar feelings of sadness, lonliness, homelessness.  Those feelings are not who I am, they are a response that I can consciously change, shift, let go of, along with whatever prompted them.  I can even share the experience to discover new ways of being in the situation that prompted it.  I now know in body & soul that I Am Home, I Am presence, I Am worthy.  

This is me stepping into my power.  This is me, remembering who I AM.  This is Me in my physical form - from the inside out.  This is Me and I AM BLISS...and so it is...

I allow more of the same, Ah Oh

Om Shanti Om

Namaste

GRAVITY

From GRAVITY by Sara Bareiles

...all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be

I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity

Here I am and I stand so tall

Just the way I'm supposed to be

But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees as I

Try to make you see that you're

Everything I think I need here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe though I

Can't seem to let you go

The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

Keeping me, keeping me, keeping me down

TRAIL WAYS

Omick Woods at Rocktown Preserve, Amwell, NJ

https://njtrails.org/trail/omick-woods-at-rocktown-preserve/

All of Nature shows us everything we need to know for living a vibrant life in flow with the rhythms of abundance, nurturing, going within, joy, freedom for the journey.  It also shows us that we have guides and signs helping us along the way.

Always reach for the light.

The light may be small or feel absent but it is never gone for long.

We all need time to withdraw, to hibernate.

 

What appears one way, can look very different from another angle.

Same "three" trees  became four when I walked along the path!

We always have choice...

...and can weave our way along various paths, create varied lifestyles.

Even the strongest of beliefs, plans, people can break open, apart...

...making way for new paths, gifts, opportunities, blessings.

There is beauty and there are gifts...

In that which plagues us...

There are always twists and turns.  Its best to go with the flow.

We have strong guardians standing with us every step of the way.

We are each unique and connected @ the same time.  

Reach for different to discover the same you share.

Sometimes the path is hard to discern...

  

Other times, it's very clear.

Put down strong roots, its a hell of a ride!

...and it sure helps when you have a soft place to land. 

Everything always looks better in the morning...

Lockdown

Lockdown - Brother Richard Hendrick*

Yes there is fear.

Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is panic buying.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
But,
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi
People are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland
Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know
is busy spreading fliers with her number
through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples
are preparing to welcome
and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is panic buying.
But there does not have to be meanness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Today, breathe.
Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic
The birds are singing again
The sky is clearing,
Spring is coming,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Sing.

*Lockdown was written by an Irish Priest named Brother Richard Hendrick - 

https://www.irishcentral.com/news/coronavirus-lockdown-poem

Author Your Life

AUTHOR OF MY LIFE EVERYDAY...

I recently discovered the book, Author Your Life by Lara Zielin a story and tutorial for writing the life you want in order to bring it into being. 

"As a writer, I"m always considering what my characters want.  I"m always asking what their motivations are...what will make them happy?  What is a satisfying story for them?  But I had never really considered the story of my own life.  What was MY motivation, What would make ME happy?"

She spent the year of 2018 writing daily (20 min.) about a story of what happens in her life - the way she wants it to happen and, it all happened! 

Writing her like a character, I put her in situations that were amazing and awesome.  I fixed her heart, which was getting more than a little brittle and hard.  I gave her more compassion for people.  I gave her abundance - of time, of money, of love.  I gave her a great sex life and a healthier weight.  And I gave her joy.  Tons of joy.  Truck-fulls of joy.  Which is something real-life Lara had let dribble out of her, kind of like a slow leak over time that you don't realize is happening....

Anything I can think up, anything, I WANT, I can write into my (characters') life!  THIS was going to be fun! 

Basically, the idea of writing a story about me in the third person is a GAME CHANGER!  Like many in counseling, coaching or healing, I am easily able to offer clients compassion, comfort, support, understanding and...to think outside the box toward new possibilities.  But, for myself, I am often as stuck and limited as my clients feel.  I bring along my learned limitations, beliefs and stories...but as a character, all that falls away.  Lara says essentially the same thing happens for her as a writer:

 "Author Your Life is what happened when I wrote the story of how I wanted my existence to be.  When I dared to create a world for myself, the same way I would spend time and energy creating a world for my characters."

What also makes this feel so possible in my mind is that it is totally in sync with the Laws of Physics & Attraction - "where focus goes, energy flows".  Even though my "real life" stories, beliefs, limitations have been a conscious and unconscious focus of thought for a very long time, work like this or vision boards, affirmations etc. has long proved beneficial for upgrading mental/emotional/physical software & hardware right along with meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture and all the subtle energy WELLNESS practices.

The first things my character, Olivia is going to be able to do is to have a BLAST creating a routine for herself, her personal health and wellbeing of mind, body and spirit; ENJOY sticking to it and ENJOY the benefits!  And THAT, sweet wonderful you, Olivia, is a DELIGHTFUL resetting point to the story of your life and path towards BEING my unique LIVING OUTLOUD TRUE SELF.

The fabulous thing about freeing myslef is the ripple effect of freeing energy flows beyond me to those I live with and encounter.  And, as
I evolve myself, I evolve my ability to love and serve others.  It just does not get any better than that.

What story do you want to author?

FREEDOM IN REFLECTION

I had such a freeing realization this evening about betrayals I've been holding on to.  Funny, it comes to me following a Full Moon Kundalini chanting meditation with gong sound bath & the intention of releasing that which no longer serves us.  I guess it worked! 

BETRAYAL - I was very entrenched in one particular encounter as it came from a Spiritual mentor, teacher, healer and friend.  I had no way to process the experience because everything I had been taught was abandoned as I was eviscerated for not meeting expectations.   After a period, when I was able, I understood intellectually that the attack was coming from a place of powerful and deeply rooted fears on their part and fed my own similarly deeply rooted fears of not being enough.  But the enormity of it all has never left me fully.

Part of my "recovery" was discovering Abraham Hicks and the Law of Attraction....up to a point.  If I embrace the law of attraction, I must embrace all of it - including the bit about we create our own reality...  I thought:  I DID NOT CREATE OR HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ATTRACTING THAT BETRAYAL.  I can understand it and see how it triggered deep insecurity in me, but could not and would not see any opportunity for growth commensurate with the "crime committed".  It's been years now and in an instant tonight, I suddenly understood the message I was trying to give myself in that experience. 

REFLECTION - Another teaching of the Law of Attraction is that whatever is showing up in our lives, what we are attracting, is a reflection of the state of our relationship with our inner being, our inner truth, our reason for being...our relationship with higher self.  Initially, I did not want to see or get clear on that because it was so painful.  From the experience, I interpreted a state of blame...as I was being blamed, I thought it was a message about how I was guilty of not being enough.  Who wants to spend time there? 

Tonight, I suddenly understood the message so clearly, so cleanly and why it had been such a drastic betrayal.  Out of deepest compassion for ourselves we may have to ramp up the message to get it.  I guess I had not been getting the message...  I HAD SPENT FAR TOO LONG BETRAYING MYSELF, ME, I!  I saw it in multiple areas of my life and instantly understood that until I let this betrayal go - and others, that I wouldn't  stop betraying myself and I wouldn't stop creating experiences to point out my need to let go of self-betrayal!

I get it now and I am totally into the idea of exploring how to be more supportive and nurturing of myself,  more present and compassionate and affirming - that I AM ENOUGH.  That I'll never get it right and it's never done and getting it right and done is NOT the goal, the idea, the TRUTH of who we are!  The truth is we are SO MUCH MORE!  WHEN we are in sync with our own perfect-imperfection - without doing anything, MAGIC IS POSSIBLE!

Into Thee, I See Me.

Namaste

"REFLECTION"

TESSELLATIONS IN NATURE

TESSELLATIONS IN NATURE     

Patterns in nature show me patterns in my life, in all life.    

Sometimes we need to feed on that which brings us joy...

 Soak it in, withdraw, integrate, germinate, rest... 

Allow the pauses, the seeming absences, the waiting...

To emerge refreshed, renewed, magnificent!

The ebb and flow, life-death-new life of nature...

Helps me to flow during the ebbs, to breathe, to allow their gifts.  

Because in every moment, we are a creation in process of creating...

Asteroids of Wisdom

Asteroids

As the family watches episode 5, The Empire Strikes Back, I am once again, out of the room, unable to handle the drama...  Never was able to - I Dream of Jeanie, I love Lucy, even Bewitched at times.  I had such difficulty handling the trouble these characters would get their family into, the drama they created, the seemingly insurmountable odds they were up against.  Star Wars takes that all to a new level!  My kids crack up because I had to leave, physically leave my seat during Big Hero Six!  

Well, that is my journey to figure out - in the mean time, throughout the film, little pearls of galactic wisdom are tossed to the audience like asteroids spinning into our stratosphere.   Do they land and implode, explode or fix themselves into the fabric of our galactic selves in recognition of their Truth?

On Mindfulness:A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph! Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless! 

On Meditation:Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad? Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, NEVER for attack. 

On life as a reflection of our self-perceptions:Luke: I feel cold. Death. Yoda: [points to a cave opening beneath a large tree] That place... is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go. Luke: What's in there? Yoda: Only what you take with you. 

Over and over entertainment gives us clues, sparks our remembrance of who we are and how we are to support ourselves in this "otherworldly" human journey as spiritual beings in a time-space reality that enforces everything that we are not such that we get to a point where we must-

Yoda: You must unlearn what you have learned. 

I've been reading The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris.  It is a collection of stories/essays on her experiences and thoughts during a time in which she is an oblate within the Benedictine tradition.

According to the Benedictine website: http://www.osb.org/obl/ 

An Oblate is a lay or clerical, single or married, person formally associated to a particular monastery. The Oblate seeks to live a life in harmony with the spirit of Saint Benedict as revealed in the Rule of Saint Benedict and its contemporary expression.

I never knew a lay person, let alone a married woman could reside and participate in monastic living, practices, ritual.  I am fascinated and totally drawn in to her descriptions of liturgy, rhythm, monastic life.  I find it very compelling, feeling drawn into the spiritual intentionality and the practice of daily living as devotion.  I don't know if I could actually handle it, but very much want to try - when the time comes...when the girls are launched.  Until then, it fills my heart to know such an opportunity exists.  Oh, and until then, I also feel drawn to take up social dancing... A great way to prepare for those long periods of meditation and prayer.        Many paths, many teachers...

St. Frances of Rome.  Patroness of Benedictine Oblates.   

Growing Up

So come to find out this weekend, the tv show the 13 year old has been watching non stop on her tiny iphone 5 screen all this time is Grey's Anatomy.  I don't know if I'm relieved or uneasy...it's such a mature show...  Then again, it's not about a dystopian society with zombies or vampires which is much to be grateful for.

Then I find out that "I have a boyfrined"...  He asked her out by text... Oh, and he's moving in August to Deleware...  Perfect...  Oh, and his name is Will and he lives around the corner...on her bus...

Parenting teens is such a wild adventure - I say that tonite when things have been going much better.  Last week, I'd have said it was heart breaking - which it is.   To be the recipient of such disdain on and on is not for the faint of heart.  I realized that I put way too much into my relationship with her because when she dissed me - right on schedule, even when I know it is a phase etc. etc., my heart cried out "Noooooohhhhhhhh!!!!"  I literally felt so heart broken, sad, lonely.  Not a bit roughed up and bitter sweet, I was somewhat lost by it.  Too invested in that relationship - should be getting what I get from her from my adult relationships.  Learning to sort it out and create some healthy distance for both our sakes...

Two Worlds

Since 2009, I have been on a journey or self-ascension - shifting one's life force from the primal lower root chakra of doubt and fear, to the heart and expansive upper chakra's of unconditional love, oneness, limitlessness, intuitive guidance and conscience connection to Source, Spirit, God, Cosmos, etc.  It is learning not to live motivated by fear and out dated beliefs.  It's letting go of illusions of separation, scarcity, and the patriarchal ideologies of disempowerment, competition and defensive tactics. The more I heal and release the more I am seeing that self-ascension is about learning to love myself.  In loving myself I am living from a more open and expansive heart which means I am able to be a reflection of greater peace, love, joy in my world - a win=win situation for all!

Rooted in greater unconditional love for myself and others I replace ineffective beliefs, fears and illusions and I am...

• Conscious of, aware of my connection to Source, God, Spirit, all creation.
• Trusting my inner knowing, intuitions
• Expressing myself with authenticity, speaking my truth
• Empowered by embracing my uniqueness, individuality, gifts as well as quirks, challenges, lessons
• Expressing my inspirations, passions and senses with creativity and joy
• Grounded in peace and trusting myself in all experiences

So, over the course of this journey of self-ascension, I have been dedicated to raising my vibration or energy towards the heart.  I have had limitless energy healing sessions by the best and have have become a Master healer myself.  I have studied, been attuned and initiated.  I have learned meditations and facilitate meditation groups.  I have learned and taught many spiritual practices.  I have gone vegetarian, juiced, chanted and done some yoga.  Have had readings, given readings.  Done astrology and numerology readings and given some astrology and numerology readings.  I have had past life regressions and multiple shamanic healings.  I have participated in sacred fires, full moon/new moon ceremonies with drumming and dancing.  I have worn crystals and essential oils, white, black and all the colors of the rainbow. I have travelled to sacred sites and vortices.

And, as with any journey, I have had peak and valley moments.  I am increasingly struck by the tenacity of fear, scarcity and patriarchal belief systems of disempowerment, judgement doubt and limitations.  The more I become aware of "enlightened" or conscious living, living in the now, mindfulness, spiritual practices, the more I realize the degree of resistance so deeply ingrained in my psyche, DNA, meridians.  There is a increasing differential between my day to day living and my understanding of living from the heart.  It is dis-heartening...

I am weary.  I am unsure I have the ability to overcome so many fearful limited beliefs.  I find I am distracting myself from self-ascension practices in my discouragement only giving rise to self judgement even if I know better.  I am a smart woman, how can I be so discouraged...???

When my "teacher" is in the area, I "wake up", shape up and show up.  I am inspired by how much lighter I feel, easier it is to embrace self-ascension living, to mingle the two worlds.  And yet, day to day seems to take over and I go to sleep feeling overwhelmed, ineffective and weary.  I start the day doubtful instead of embracing the new opportunity to allow all experience to guide me to the place in need of forgiveness, relief, release, clearing, love, acceptance, embrace...  What a gift, right?

It's all ok.  It's all good and I am an amazing Spiritual Being having a human experience of growth and expansion.  I let go of everything everyone has ever said to me, let go of all doubt and fear and visualize this moment connected to God, all creation, and the Galaxies, aware of love's fire, embrace and upliftment as I AM.  In this moment I trust myself, breathe and allow. All is well.  So it is.  Namaste...

What's it all ABOUT???

A friend led me to this blog post...  LOVE how she lays it out.

                How to Raise Your Vibration

I have subscribed to her post and really like it.  Lots there.

Learning to Blog - Learning to be an enlightened Novice & Master

I have so many times during a day when I want to write a post but seem to feel limited by the topic as not being general enough - "it should be on a different blog about THAT issue", that issue, that issue etc.  As a result, I don't post at all even if I am SURE whatever it was would be a topic that would engender conversation, thought, inspiration, etc. etc.  I am looking to establish what and how to explore these inspirations, ideas, thoughts, questions, wonderings, wanderings, curiosities, frustrations, . It's strange, a personal blog is truly an opportunity to NOT do it like anyone else.  After all, this is entirely my creation - it does not have to appeal to anyone.  Yet, aren't all blogs seeking response, connection, relationship, otherwise, why do a public blog, why "put yourself out there?"

Gets back to the basics...we are hungering for connection...  At the same time, aren't I supposed to live from the expanded, unconditional, spiritual connection to Spirit, God, Creator, Source and Gaia, the Earth, Mother Nature...  If I were truly living my Divine Connection-Divine Trinity, I might seek an opportunity to blog as a cyber teaching podium, but certainly not for cyber connection, validation, conversation...or not?

I am also conflicted about that teaching bit.  I love sharing all that I am learning...  It's all so thrilling, transforming and uplifting. I have learned so very much in such a short time. But I am also keenly aware that I am really such a novice in many ways...I've learned intellectually faster than my old beliefs, habits, lifetimes have transformed, transmuted, cleared.  And I still have many MANY questions!!!!!

To help clear the servant/slave to old beliefs, loyalties, lifetimes, roles etc..."Sometimes I "fake it until I make it".  It can get funny at times if I forget that I am not really "there" yet.

'But we's house servants, Miss Scarlett...we don't know nuthin' bout bringin' babies...'  (Liberties with combining two different unrelated quotes mine).  

Reminds me instead of the quote:  "There is not try, there is only Do"

We all have baggage.  It took us however long to get here and it ain't gonna take any longer or shorter than we are doin' it.  I am going to concentrate on moving forward and talking about whatever inspires me from my either my Novice voice or my "got-it" Master voice.


May you know your own moments of each as your journey brings you HOME - to YOU!

Namaste