MBSR YOGA & BODY SCAN EMBODIMENT
Something happened today. Well, actually last night in the mindful yoga. I was impatient for it to be over - going through the motions but not present even while present.
What a metaphor for life. Showing up but not bringing oneself to awareness or a place of allowing.
Allowing stillness, allowing the moment, allowing oneself to be present, to be worthy of presence.
Which again, makes sense if impatient. It's as if one is at a party of people judged to be better, more "real", worthy, entitled - and you just want to leave.
I remember Debra remarking about the body scan being an opportunity to spend time with your body. This spoke to me, this I needed, this I wanted. I sensed or felt non-verbally that this was a gateway a bridge to where I needed to go. So, I did the yoga and began to notice how good my deep breaths felt, how satisfying, full, complete, good they felt during this singular practice and I liked it, did not shut it down, allowed it and wanted more of the same. So I did the body scan this morning - looked forward to it.
In the body scan, I was definitely more present, did not fall asleep. I "heard" much more of the guidance along each body part. I practiced inhaling wellbeing, joy, worthiness and health to each cell then exhaling the energy down through the body parts as we finished each group (leg, arm, torso etc.). As I exhaled, my leg filled with warmth...and I could do it every time... It was so lovely, so easy. The feeling of wellbeing, even joy, happiness, upliftment, presence lingered as she guided us to the next area and so it went.
I now am aware of my connection, that I am rooted in this way of being. I feel a slower sense of time and allowing, I feel wellbeing, joy - even. I realize in this moment that what I am feeling is worthy. Yes, I feel worthy, beloved, known, seen, connected to where/what I come from, that this is my true place of being, this is what connection, wholeness, home.
I am emotional receiving such a gift. I feel I could cry. It is a cry of recognizing it for what it is and the relief, the joy. It is a cry of grief for all the years of feeling homeless, lost, desperately looking for home outside of myself as I had been taught it was, years of screaming silently - IT HAS TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE... This time, however, I know that even as I move in and out of allowing such connection and worthiness, I found it, and I am changed. I am free to allow this for myself as I can choose to. I know I will now begin to choose it more and more. I know that I don't have to shrink it or shut it off. Instead, I can look at what is going on that prompted shrinking and not dwell on the familiar feelings of sadness, lonliness, homelessness. Those feelings are not who I am, they are a response that I can consciously change, shift, let go of, along with whatever prompted them. I can even share the experience to discover new ways of being in the situation that prompted it. I now know in body & soul that I Am Home, I Am presence, I Am worthy.
This is me stepping into my power. This is me, remembering who I AM. This is Me in my physical form - from the inside out. This is Me and I AM BLISS...and so it is...
I allow more of the same, Ah Oh
Om Shanti Om
Namaste
