Author Your Life

AUTHOR OF MY LIFE EVERYDAY...

I recently discovered the book, Author Your Life by Lara Zielin a story and tutorial for writing the life you want in order to bring it into being. 

"As a writer, I"m always considering what my characters want.  I"m always asking what their motivations are...what will make them happy?  What is a satisfying story for them?  But I had never really considered the story of my own life.  What was MY motivation, What would make ME happy?"

She spent the year of 2018 writing daily (20 min.) about a story of what happens in her life - the way she wants it to happen and, it all happened! 

Writing her like a character, I put her in situations that were amazing and awesome.  I fixed her heart, which was getting more than a little brittle and hard.  I gave her more compassion for people.  I gave her abundance - of time, of money, of love.  I gave her a great sex life and a healthier weight.  And I gave her joy.  Tons of joy.  Truck-fulls of joy.  Which is something real-life Lara had let dribble out of her, kind of like a slow leak over time that you don't realize is happening....

Anything I can think up, anything, I WANT, I can write into my (characters') life!  THIS was going to be fun! 

Basically, the idea of writing a story about me in the third person is a GAME CHANGER!  Like many in counseling, coaching or healing, I am easily able to offer clients compassion, comfort, support, understanding and...to think outside the box toward new possibilities.  But, for myself, I am often as stuck and limited as my clients feel.  I bring along my learned limitations, beliefs and stories...but as a character, all that falls away.  Lara says essentially the same thing happens for her as a writer:

 "Author Your Life is what happened when I wrote the story of how I wanted my existence to be.  When I dared to create a world for myself, the same way I would spend time and energy creating a world for my characters."

What also makes this feel so possible in my mind is that it is totally in sync with the Laws of Physics & Attraction - "where focus goes, energy flows".  Even though my "real life" stories, beliefs, limitations have been a conscious and unconscious focus of thought for a very long time, work like this or vision boards, affirmations etc. has long proved beneficial for upgrading mental/emotional/physical software & hardware right along with meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture and all the subtle energy WELLNESS practices.

The first things my character, Olivia is going to be able to do is to have a BLAST creating a routine for herself, her personal health and wellbeing of mind, body and spirit; ENJOY sticking to it and ENJOY the benefits!  And THAT, sweet wonderful you, Olivia, is a DELIGHTFUL resetting point to the story of your life and path towards BEING my unique LIVING OUTLOUD TRUE SELF.

The fabulous thing about freeing myslef is the ripple effect of freeing energy flows beyond me to those I live with and encounter.  And, as
I evolve myself, I evolve my ability to love and serve others.  It just does not get any better than that.

What story do you want to author?

FREEDOM IN REFLECTION

I had such a freeing realization this evening about betrayals I've been holding on to.  Funny, it comes to me following a Full Moon Kundalini chanting meditation with gong sound bath & the intention of releasing that which no longer serves us.  I guess it worked! 

BETRAYAL - I was very entrenched in one particular encounter as it came from a Spiritual mentor, teacher, healer and friend.  I had no way to process the experience because everything I had been taught was abandoned as I was eviscerated for not meeting expectations.   After a period, when I was able, I understood intellectually that the attack was coming from a place of powerful and deeply rooted fears on their part and fed my own similarly deeply rooted fears of not being enough.  But the enormity of it all has never left me fully.

Part of my "recovery" was discovering Abraham Hicks and the Law of Attraction....up to a point.  If I embrace the law of attraction, I must embrace all of it - including the bit about we create our own reality...  I thought:  I DID NOT CREATE OR HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ATTRACTING THAT BETRAYAL.  I can understand it and see how it triggered deep insecurity in me, but could not and would not see any opportunity for growth commensurate with the "crime committed".  It's been years now and in an instant tonight, I suddenly understood the message I was trying to give myself in that experience. 

REFLECTION - Another teaching of the Law of Attraction is that whatever is showing up in our lives, what we are attracting, is a reflection of the state of our relationship with our inner being, our inner truth, our reason for being...our relationship with higher self.  Initially, I did not want to see or get clear on that because it was so painful.  From the experience, I interpreted a state of blame...as I was being blamed, I thought it was a message about how I was guilty of not being enough.  Who wants to spend time there? 

Tonight, I suddenly understood the message so clearly, so cleanly and why it had been such a drastic betrayal.  Out of deepest compassion for ourselves we may have to ramp up the message to get it.  I guess I had not been getting the message...  I HAD SPENT FAR TOO LONG BETRAYING MYSELF, ME, I!  I saw it in multiple areas of my life and instantly understood that until I let this betrayal go - and others, that I wouldn't  stop betraying myself and I wouldn't stop creating experiences to point out my need to let go of self-betrayal!

I get it now and I am totally into the idea of exploring how to be more supportive and nurturing of myself,  more present and compassionate and affirming - that I AM ENOUGH.  That I'll never get it right and it's never done and getting it right and done is NOT the goal, the idea, the TRUTH of who we are!  The truth is we are SO MUCH MORE!  WHEN we are in sync with our own perfect-imperfection - without doing anything, MAGIC IS POSSIBLE!

Into Thee, I See Me.

Namaste

"REFLECTION"

TESSELLATIONS IN NATURE

TESSELLATIONS IN NATURE     

Patterns in nature show me patterns in my life, in all life.    

Sometimes we need to feed on that which brings us joy...

 Soak it in, withdraw, integrate, germinate, rest... 

Allow the pauses, the seeming absences, the waiting...

To emerge refreshed, renewed, magnificent!

The ebb and flow, life-death-new life of nature...

Helps me to flow during the ebbs, to breathe, to allow their gifts.  

Because in every moment, we are a creation in process of creating...

Asteroids of Wisdom

Asteroids

As the family watches episode 5, The Empire Strikes Back, I am once again, out of the room, unable to handle the drama...  Never was able to - I Dream of Jeanie, I love Lucy, even Bewitched at times.  I had such difficulty handling the trouble these characters would get their family into, the drama they created, the seemingly insurmountable odds they were up against.  Star Wars takes that all to a new level!  My kids crack up because I had to leave, physically leave my seat during Big Hero Six!  

Well, that is my journey to figure out - in the mean time, throughout the film, little pearls of galactic wisdom are tossed to the audience like asteroids spinning into our stratosphere.   Do they land and implode, explode or fix themselves into the fabric of our galactic selves in recognition of their Truth?

On Mindfulness:A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind. This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph! Adventure. Heh! Excitement. Heh! A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless! 

On Meditation:Luke: But how am I to know the good side from the bad? Yoda: You will know... when you are calm, at peace, passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, NEVER for attack. 

On life as a reflection of our self-perceptions:Luke: I feel cold. Death. Yoda: [points to a cave opening beneath a large tree] That place... is strong with the dark side of the Force. A domain of evil it is. In you must go. Luke: What's in there? Yoda: Only what you take with you. 

Over and over entertainment gives us clues, sparks our remembrance of who we are and how we are to support ourselves in this "otherworldly" human journey as spiritual beings in a time-space reality that enforces everything that we are not such that we get to a point where we must-

Yoda: You must unlearn what you have learned. 

I've been reading The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris.  It is a collection of stories/essays on her experiences and thoughts during a time in which she is an oblate within the Benedictine tradition.

According to the Benedictine website: http://www.osb.org/obl/ 

An Oblate is a lay or clerical, single or married, person formally associated to a particular monastery. The Oblate seeks to live a life in harmony with the spirit of Saint Benedict as revealed in the Rule of Saint Benedict and its contemporary expression.

I never knew a lay person, let alone a married woman could reside and participate in monastic living, practices, ritual.  I am fascinated and totally drawn in to her descriptions of liturgy, rhythm, monastic life.  I find it very compelling, feeling drawn into the spiritual intentionality and the practice of daily living as devotion.  I don't know if I could actually handle it, but very much want to try - when the time comes...when the girls are launched.  Until then, it fills my heart to know such an opportunity exists.  Oh, and until then, I also feel drawn to take up social dancing... A great way to prepare for those long periods of meditation and prayer.        Many paths, many teachers...

St. Frances of Rome.  Patroness of Benedictine Oblates.   

Growing Up

So come to find out this weekend, the tv show the 13 year old has been watching non stop on her tiny iphone 5 screen all this time is Grey's Anatomy.  I don't know if I'm relieved or uneasy...it's such a mature show...  Then again, it's not about a dystopian society with zombies or vampires which is much to be grateful for.

Then I find out that "I have a boyfrined"...  He asked her out by text... Oh, and he's moving in August to Deleware...  Perfect...  Oh, and his name is Will and he lives around the corner...on her bus...

Parenting teens is such a wild adventure - I say that tonite when things have been going much better.  Last week, I'd have said it was heart breaking - which it is.   To be the recipient of such disdain on and on is not for the faint of heart.  I realized that I put way too much into my relationship with her because when she dissed me - right on schedule, even when I know it is a phase etc. etc., my heart cried out "Noooooohhhhhhhh!!!!"  I literally felt so heart broken, sad, lonely.  Not a bit roughed up and bitter sweet, I was somewhat lost by it.  Too invested in that relationship - should be getting what I get from her from my adult relationships.  Learning to sort it out and create some healthy distance for both our sakes...

Two Worlds

Since 2009, I have been on a journey or self-ascension - shifting one's life force from the primal lower root chakra of doubt and fear, to the heart and expansive upper chakra's of unconditional love, oneness, limitlessness, intuitive guidance and conscience connection to Source, Spirit, God, Cosmos, etc.  It is learning not to live motivated by fear and out dated beliefs.  It's letting go of illusions of separation, scarcity, and the patriarchal ideologies of disempowerment, competition and defensive tactics. The more I heal and release the more I am seeing that self-ascension is about learning to love myself.  In loving myself I am living from a more open and expansive heart which means I am able to be a reflection of greater peace, love, joy in my world - a win=win situation for all!

Rooted in greater unconditional love for myself and others I replace ineffective beliefs, fears and illusions and I am...

• Conscious of, aware of my connection to Source, God, Spirit, all creation.
• Trusting my inner knowing, intuitions
• Expressing myself with authenticity, speaking my truth
• Empowered by embracing my uniqueness, individuality, gifts as well as quirks, challenges, lessons
• Expressing my inspirations, passions and senses with creativity and joy
• Grounded in peace and trusting myself in all experiences

So, over the course of this journey of self-ascension, I have been dedicated to raising my vibration or energy towards the heart.  I have had limitless energy healing sessions by the best and have have become a Master healer myself.  I have studied, been attuned and initiated.  I have learned meditations and facilitate meditation groups.  I have learned and taught many spiritual practices.  I have gone vegetarian, juiced, chanted and done some yoga.  Have had readings, given readings.  Done astrology and numerology readings and given some astrology and numerology readings.  I have had past life regressions and multiple shamanic healings.  I have participated in sacred fires, full moon/new moon ceremonies with drumming and dancing.  I have worn crystals and essential oils, white, black and all the colors of the rainbow. I have travelled to sacred sites and vortices.

And, as with any journey, I have had peak and valley moments.  I am increasingly struck by the tenacity of fear, scarcity and patriarchal belief systems of disempowerment, judgement doubt and limitations.  The more I become aware of "enlightened" or conscious living, living in the now, mindfulness, spiritual practices, the more I realize the degree of resistance so deeply ingrained in my psyche, DNA, meridians.  There is a increasing differential between my day to day living and my understanding of living from the heart.  It is dis-heartening...

I am weary.  I am unsure I have the ability to overcome so many fearful limited beliefs.  I find I am distracting myself from self-ascension practices in my discouragement only giving rise to self judgement even if I know better.  I am a smart woman, how can I be so discouraged...???

When my "teacher" is in the area, I "wake up", shape up and show up.  I am inspired by how much lighter I feel, easier it is to embrace self-ascension living, to mingle the two worlds.  And yet, day to day seems to take over and I go to sleep feeling overwhelmed, ineffective and weary.  I start the day doubtful instead of embracing the new opportunity to allow all experience to guide me to the place in need of forgiveness, relief, release, clearing, love, acceptance, embrace...  What a gift, right?

It's all ok.  It's all good and I am an amazing Spiritual Being having a human experience of growth and expansion.  I let go of everything everyone has ever said to me, let go of all doubt and fear and visualize this moment connected to God, all creation, and the Galaxies, aware of love's fire, embrace and upliftment as I AM.  In this moment I trust myself, breathe and allow. All is well.  So it is.  Namaste...